I am starting to believe that birthdays pop up to remind me of my life check list. Its not a good check list, its more of how I am still not where I thought Id be but yet here I am another year older.
Still with no career x
Still have no self confidence x
Still have low self esteem x
Still need to lose some weight x
Yup, same check list just another year later.
I love having a birthday, don't get me wrong, its a day to celebrate me and why not. I deserve a day don't I? Actually a week, I do celebrate for a week. It started today (sorry Sunil to infringe on your day) when Brian took me out and then we had some vegan cake. It will go on into the weekend and into next week. As long as the cards keep coming (and I hope they do) I will consider it my birthday.
Back to the birthday making me feel bad about myself. Yes, it is no secret I lack self confidence, especially in my appearance. My birthday just makes me feel worse. Like that's one more year gone that I didn't make any improvements, one more year into my metabolism shutting down. Crazy, I know, but my mind is a special machine that makes these crazy thoughts.
Then there's the career thing. 32 and still never had a real career, never had a 401k, never had sick days or vacation days or paid holidays. No I always worked as a contractual. That's not so unusual for a biologist really, but it would feel good to have a job I liked a lot and earned some money toward retiring. On the other hand, I have a way flexible schedule, I spend my day around wild birds and animals and I have lots of free time.
I know that my generation is doing things a little later in life. We married later, we have kids later and well maybe we have careers later. I know we are the switch jobs a lot generation so I got that covered.
Sometimes I just need to vent about myself and my birthday seems a good a time as any. I am making goals for myself, as I always do. We will see if I get very far with any of them. Of course I will start after the birthday week.
Happy Birthday to my fellow birth day companion Dawn! And Happy Birthday to me!
-Nina
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3 comments:
Happy Birthday to us!! Getting older sucks. I hate skinny bitches! :)
don't get me wrong, i'm glad i get paid vacations/holidays, but at the same time,we have to deal with the corporate crap world! you get to do things i wish i could do---actual biological field work that makes a difference!
time is whisking away..32 yrs.already....don' drift to far...mf
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