Child Becomes Parent

Brian here.

Some of you may know this, and some of you may not. My father has Alzheimer's Disease. It's not something that I talk about very much because it's not a very exciting topic. In fact, it's a bit of a downer.

He started to exhibit signs about 5 years ago when he began having trouble holding a job and paying his bills. My sister and I thought that he was either gambling or on drugs. We eventually learned that he was sick. He was initially diagnosed with dementia, but it is now Alzheimer's. Back in 2003, we moved him into an ALF (assisted living facility) in Florida. He seemed to be doing fine. My sister would check in on him whenever she could. He would go for walks. He called Bingo every week for the other residents. He started a small business where he sold pop out of his mini fridge for 50 cents a can. Everything was good until about 6 months ago. I don't know why, but he has been deteriorating quickly since then.

In August we made the decision to move him out here to Arizona. My sister is going to be out of the country for a while, so there wasn't going to be anyone there to take care of any situations that might arise. So we thought it would be best to have him near me instead. We spent the next month finding a place, shipping his belongings, and getting everything ready. This weekend was the big move.

Dawn flew out with him on Friday morning. We immediately went to the DMV to get him an Arizona ID. That went pretty well, except that we noticed afterwards that they put the wrong birthday on it. Oops. I guess we'll have to go back and get that fixed. After the DMV we went to the Department of Veterans Affairs. My dad served in the army during the Vietnam war, so he now gets free medical care and some financial assistance from the VA. It's a great thing, but dealing with the VA can be a nightmare. We spent a good 4 or 5 hours there, jumping from one office to the next. In the end, we got his information transferred over, and we got him a chest x-ray to prove to the new ALF that he does not have Tuberculosis.

Eventually, we made it to the new ALF. It's a really nice place, and all the staff are very nice. It's in Tempe, about 15 minutes from my house. Nina and I had spent the previous week setting up the room with all his stuff and putting together some new bookcases. I think this made it easier for him, to see familiar things.

I'm not sure how I feel about having my dad here. I guess when he was in Florida, it was easier for me to avoid thinking about the situation. Now that he's here, I will be face to face with it much more often. He's really in bad shape, and it makes me very sad. I lost my mom 8 years ago, and now I am losing my dad too. He can't really put a full thought together anymore. He walks around sort of comatose due to the drugs that he is on. He still remembers who I am, but he doesn't know who Nina is. He can't remember things that you told him 2 minutes ago. He doesn't understand that he is now in Arizona. He just sort of floats through the day, doing whatever people tell him to do. It's a very sad thing to see, and there is nothing I can do to make it better. The only thing I can do is provide a nice place for him to live, visit him often, and try not get upset. Alzheimer's is one of those awful diseases that exists in our modern world. It has no known cause, and no cure. It's just one of those things. Some people deal with cancer. Some people deal with the tragic loss of a family member or friend. I am dealing with a dad who can never be a dad to me. I must now be a father to him.

My Dad's New Room

Me And My Dad

Me And Dawn

-Brian