Kick me while Im Down

I must have done something horrible to someone, because I have some bad Karma happening to me lately. It started at the beginning of December when I was not hired by either places I interviewed for. That's 2 strikes against me.

Then a week before we are suppose to fly East for Christmas I get the stomach flu and I am down for 3 days. Great! Awesome! It took about a week to recover from it fully.

And now, today, I receive the greatest of news...I need a root canal. Or should I say I need another root canal. Yes I had one about 6 year ago and now its neighbor tooth has decided it wants one too. The toothache started over the Holidays, which was so awesome to have to go to a dentist in Greensburg the day after Christmas.

If you are keeping track that's 4 strikes against me. I am not sure what I have done to deserve this. I am a good person, I recycle, I eat no animal products at all, I even volunteer.
I never ran over anyone, I never started a bar fight, I judge people, yes, but who doesn't. So I have bad karma and I don't know why.

It seems Brian never does. He has great teeth, great health, and he just got a raise. Whatever!
He deserves it though, he works very hard and puts up with me.

Don't even get me started on how worthless I feel being turned down for 2 jobs, one of which I was ridiculously qualified for. Will I ever find a job? A great job, a job that makes me happy to go everyday, one that makes me glad I still owe $15,000 in school loans? Am I destined to work some shit job forever and be miserable.

The guilt of not working is immense. I look around the house and see all the things we want to change about it but....Not until we have an extra income. Wouldn't it be so nice to go anywhere? Cant, don't have the extra money.

Brian goes to work everyday and makes money so we can survive here. I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate his patience and dedication. Thank you Brian.

I want to be a part of society, I want to do something somewhere that matters to me and to other people. I want to get paid to do it. I want to buy myself things and go on trips.
Hopefully the right job will come soon. I think Brian will lose it and I will leap off South Mountain if it doesn't.

When people ask about me not working, I jokingly play it off. Oh its great, sleep in, go hiking, but in reality it is sucking. Sure those things are great, but I do it alone. I wish Brian could hike with me. I also clean and cook and do laundry. If you know me, you know I am hardly the domestic type. I hate doing all those things. We used to split all those duties. It only seems fair that I do them all now. It makes me sad when I am cleaning every Friday. What a drag, I've become a housewife. I have so much more to offer, I have a Masters for fucks sake.

The only plus to me not working is that I have been available to pick up, hang out with, and drop off all the visitors we have had. We love visitors, please keep coming here to visit.

Anyway, I just needed to vent. Please don't feel bad for me and please don't tell me to just go get some bobo job until one better comes along. I don't need sympathy or advice, I need a job.
-Nina