Birthday Smirthday

Yes, today is my birthday. It is also Dawns birthday, Happy Birthday Dawn! When I turned 30, I thought it was pretty bad. 30, that's old. Remember that show thirty something? Remember how you thought it was so far away and it seemed to suck to be that grown up and have problems and babies and all that baggage. Well didn't it just creep up. I have to say, and I said this before, being this old is weird because I still feel like I am 25.

I fear age. As my friends slowly started turning 30 and I was no longer one of the few oldest ones, I became accustomed to this age. But now, now I am 31. I have to tell people I am 31 when they ask. Yesterday I was 30, just on the edge of my 30's , teetering there. Today I woke up 31 and now I am fully immersed in my 30's.

some of my friends take the age just fine, no big deal. But like I said I fear aging. I am afraid to let go of the person I am or was. I like that person. I go to punk shows and pogo until I am breathless and sweaty. I shop at old navy and I love it. I still have tantrums when I don't get my way. I still call my mom when there is something wrong with me. I can go to a college town and fit right in.

I am scared to lose these things. I already notice a change in the music I listen to. I've mellowed from the punk rock to Indie. Although I am proud to say that unlike some of my friends I have not taken to listening to Neil Diamond. Come on, our parents like him. I also notice I refer to college kids as kids. Kids, they aren't that far behind me. I just don't want to all of sudden be 40 and go "oh my god, where did the last 10 years go"? I don't ever want to be 60, I don't want wrinkles and drive slower. I don't want an AARP card. I am just scared. Life seemed to go so slow until about 25. Then I don't know, it just keeps zipping by.

I am glad we moved because I felt like I was sitting and waiting for something in Maryland. It wasn't happening. It was so ho hum by the time we left. Of course I don't mean my friends, when we did get together it was like a breath of fresh air. But then it was back to work, back the same house, the same clothes. I don't know it just got stale. Now we are here and we are always discovering new things and going to new places. The house is new. The clothes are still old because I don't make no money to buy new ones. Sometimes thought times passes to quickly even here and I get scared.

I just want to say to my friends and family that I love you guys. I am grateful for you in my life because I believe at this point in our lives we have already made the bestest friends we will ever have. Some of us are on new journeys and I am happy to share in them with you.

Ok so I think its out of my system. I still fear age and death and all that but geez I am only 31, why dwell on it. Thanks to everyone who has sent cards and gifts. You should always feel special on your birthday so thanks for making me feel special. My birthday resolution is to buy better clothes and stop dressing like a college kid. If you want respect in life you gotta respect yourself first. So that's my mission, look like a young hip 29 year old who's obviously very cool to know. :)

Now I am going to go lounge by the pool and get my tan on. Brian is taking me to eat at my favorite restaurant tonight, see link. Lucky me, my birthday lasts till Sunday.

-Nina-